It was a Sunday morning, the weather was
confusing...cold enough to wear a sweater, but hot enough to sweat. I was
boarding the metro to go to church.
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| Image Source: Google Images |
As I entered the ladies’ metro coach, I found a
seat, much to my surprise. A 30-something lady rushed in to the coach, with her
little daughter. She sobbed uncontrollably. After a lot of prodding, she
revealed how her husband beat her up that morning. 2-3 women came forward to
comfort her, saying how her daughter would be affected by her. What no one
understood was that the lady wanted to speak out about her problems. Seeing her
crying, I tried hard to control my emotions. After a little hesitation, I told
her she needs to be strong for herself. She nodded, still sobbing. A pause
followed, and she said, “I am a working woman. But, I never knew that I would
face such a situation. I am going back to my parents’ place. I’ll never return
to my husband.” Saying this, she wept again. Her daughter looked at her,
understanding nothing. She held on to her doll.
The metro announcement speaker sounded, ‘Next
station is Laxmi Nagar.’ I wanted her to stop crying, and asked, “Where do you
want to go?” Her tears fell down on her blue T-shirt and she said, “I’ll get
down at Moti Nagar and take an auto. I can’t get down at the station near my
parents’ place. My husband might follow me there.” Her daughter was hungry, and
she gave her biscuits.
For once, she stopped crying, and looked at me,
saying, “This has been going on since 8 years. From the day I got married, he
has beaten me, kicked me and abused me. I kept quiet all these years. After my
daughter was born, I thought he’d change. But, the violence only continued. We
didn’t give him the dowry amount as promised. His parents and brother force him
to ask me for dowry. My husband is a good guy.” I was stunned for a minute.
Like an ‘adarsh’ wife, she found her abusive husband to be a good guy? I
exclaimed, “The man who beats up his wife is never good at heart. He could’ve
stood up against his family, when they demanded dowry.” She had nothing to say.
But, she continued, “I’ve worked as a
journalist with a magazine. I did two stories on women, one in Rae Bareilly and
the other in Vrindavan. I thought I stood for women empowerment. But, today, he
snatched away my mobile phone, broke the battery in to pieces, and tried to
throw my daughter from the balcony. I stopped him; otherwise she would’ve been
dead by now. He wasn’t letting us leave. Somehow, I ran away, taking her.”
Saying this, she wept! I looked at the little girl. That innocent face made me
wonder how any father could do such a thing. Aghast, I murmured, “He’s a
monster.” Surprisingly, the little girl looked at me and smiled, as if she
understood what I said.
The lady became paranoid and said, “I need
police protection. He’ll come after us.” Some of us told her to lodge a
complaint with the National Commission for Women (NCW), and that she would get
adequate support. She nodded in relief. My station had arrived, I had to leave.
She asked, “You’re getting down here?” I said, “Yes. I have to.”
I’ve read and heard many stories on domestic
violence. I’ve read data, statistics and solutions on the same. But, for the
first time in life, I came across a woman who shared with me her experience. It
wasn’t a past incident for her; she was running away to safety. I’ve always
been told that a financially independent woman would never have to face
domestic violence. Case studies are proving this wrong. And moreover, I met a
woman who was a journalist and later joined a banking firm, and was violently
abused. I am not saying that all men abuse their wives. And I also blame the
in-laws for creating the entire ruckus! But, it still sends shivers down my
spine, when I recount the details of her experience. Today, I am still hoping
she’s fine. I am hoping that she’s found respite from her husband. I feel
helpless, that I couldn’t do anything to help her out.
But, since that day, my approach towards
women’s issues has changed. I am no longer getting into theoretical stuff on
feminism. No, I am not saying this is unimportant. But, I’ve realised the need
to sit and delve into the grass root problems surrounding discrimination
against women. So many women around us are getting hit and beaten up. What are
we doing? It’s time we stop debating feminism with peers and just talk talk
talk. It’s time we stop the blame game. It’s time we stop misusing the word
‘feminism’ so much so that men get wary of talking to feminists, thinking
they’re anti-men. It has also given rise to a term known as ‘feminazi’. It’s
time we stop debating feminism in air-conditioned rooms. Real action is needed.
If one woman gets saved from her abuser by our efforts, women’s rights
movements get a thrust. Women in urban and rural areas are victims alike.
I know my ‘lecture’ on feminism will be disliked by many. Some will criticise, some will just shrug it off. Some will
understand, because they’ve got the same point of view. I don’t consider myself
very knowledgeable in women’s issues, men’s issues, feminism, patriarchy, etc. I'm not even saying that I am now a champion of women's issues. But,
I’ve realised one important point...if we don’t identify with the real issues
faced by many around us, this movement is not getting anywhere.
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